Monday, September 22, 2008

More On The Bailout, The Candidates Weigh In, Lobbyists In The Campaigns, Palin Meeting The World (Leaders), And A Rich Bitch

Hi everybody. Happy New Week! Grab your Paxil (non official sponsor of tonight's review) because we're starting things off with a massive panic attack. Everything is imploding! The economy is falling apart! It's the Great Depression! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I would like to offer the collective world a really big paper bag to hyperventilate into. Everyone chill! Because when we don't chill, then crazy stuff could happen, like, I don't know, throwing $700 billion of our money at a plan that no one seems to like, understand, or even know for sure will work. Crazy stuff like that.

In a Tom Foreman piece, we learn that neither side of the partisan divide is all that happy with this proposed bank bailout. The Democrats want some crumbs for those poor souls on Main Street and they're pushing hard since the American people seem to actually be clued in on the fact that they suck less on this issue. The Republicans, on the other hand, are having a little hissy fit, because oh my God socialism!!! The government is killing the invisible hand! Oh noes! If any of their heads explode, CSPAN better totally get that on tape.

Moving on now to discussion with Marcus Mabry, business dude of the New York Times; John Fund, conservative guy I don't like; and Peter Schiff, crazy Ron Paul guy. Hm. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Fund and Schiff have got to go. Marcus tells us that the Democrats and Republicans actually both agree this bailout sucks, but they disagree on the reasons. Well, tiny steps? Then John says something about people "panicking like wildebeests confronted by lions across the plain." Okay, I'm being unfair, since he said other stuff too, but fer serious? Dude's a big lying jerk. I don't really feel like being fair. Peter still hates everything about the government stepping in and practically starts praying at the alter of the free market right there.

Marcus brings up how Democrats want the taxpayers to get a stake in the companies they're helping to bail out. John doesn't like this at all and you can practically hear the, "oh my God, socialism!" being screamed in his head. Then the bailout of foreign banks is brought up because we are, after all, a globalized world. Oh my God, socialism for foreigners! The one positive in all this is watching the free market purists freak out. At the end of the segment, Anderson Cooper comments that he wishes they had been talking about something more uplifting. You mean like war or natural disaster or corruption? Dude, are you new here?

Next up, we have a Candy Crowley piece on how our impending financial doom is playing out on the campaign trail. It can be broken down pretty simply between the two candidates. Obama: They made this mess and now want us to let them fix it? That's some messed up stuff. McCain: I'm a total populist now. Pay no mind to the man behind the curtain who has been pushing for deregulation for years.

The inevitable "Strategy Session" hits us next, the seat-warmers being Joe Klein, Ed Rollins, and Jennifer Donahue. My cable kept going out during this, but I don't think I missed anything all that interesting. The only thing that caught my attention was Anderson saying neither candidate has given specifics on the bailout. Obama has issued seven principles. Their specificness can be argued, but they're not nothing.

Tonight's "Beat 360" is a picture of David Blaine doing his latest stupid stunt. Anderson then tells us he's sick of David Blaine, but really, he introduced the picture with such a sigh of contempt that I don't think anyone was really wondering about his feelings on the matter. Also? I'm totally with him on this. Blaine used to be kinda cool, but now he's just weird. He's the Michael Jackson of magicians. I'm bringing this up because, well, I wanted to rip on David Blaine, but also because the Blaine talk continues on the webcast. I may have to start calling it the ghetto webcast due to their overall lackingness of furniture and technology. "You need a chair. I need a mic," Anderson says to Erica Hill. I half expect him to go full blown diva and yell, "I can't work like this!" But sadly, no. Maybe next time.

Transitioning now to a Randi Kaye piece on lobbyists infecting the campaigns. Basically, both candidates are accusing each other of having ties to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. McCain attacks Obama for having Franklin Raines (Fannie Mae) advise him, but turns out, uh, he's not advising Obama. McCain lying? Shocker. On the other hand, McCain campaign manager Rick Davis really did lobby against regulation for the companies. But Obama doesn't come out of this smelling like roses. He's got lobbyists too. That being said, I think he wins this one.

Moving on now to a rare Anderson piece. He profiles Treasury Secretary Paulson. Okay, the gist here is that since last year Paulson been saying the economy is good, the economy is good, the economy is good, and then, oh my God, everything's falling apart and you must give me massive unprecedented power to fix it! With no oversight. K? Thx. Bye. Seriously people, this power grab is insane.

Next up, we have an Ed Henry piece on Palin taking a crash course in getting to know her world leaders by meeting them all at the UN. Ed likens it to speed dating. Gasp! Sexist! Oh, you're on their list now, buddy. So okay, there's photo-ops and yada, yada, yada. I don't know why she needs this. I mean, she can see Russia from her state, people. What more do you want? Last week, someone jokingly wrote that Palin would meet with Bono to bone up on her foreign policy cred, and I kid you not, today she met with Bono. Satire is dead. At the end of his piece, Ed notes Palin won't be taking any questions from the media. "No questions from the media. That, of course, should not be a surprise," says Anderson. Bwah! Oh, so bitter.

On now to Jeffrey Toobin joining us to discuss what just might be the most awesomely titled New Yorker piece ever. Okay, so this really horrible, horrible, but rich, human being named Leona Helmsley left her dog Trouble $12 million. Because $13 million would have just been ridiculous. There's not really anything to learn here. I'm pretty sure the whole purpose of this segment is for Anderson and Jeffrey to laugh about what a horrible woman Helmsley was . . . and I'm okay with that. Anderson tries to preempt any email he might get from crazed dog lovers, but Toobin is all, bring it on! Heh. They're dog lovers, people, let it go. Maybe get a hobby. Also? Cody, I love you, but you are totally not getting any money. If it makes you feel any better, neither are the cats.

"The Shot" tonight is an animal escape. Ooh, action! Drama! Erica randomly brings up the fact that the dog escaping in the video looks like her sister's dog and his name is Cooper. Naturally, Anderson assumes the dog was named after him. Because he's an "egotistical anchor." Hey, his words, not mine. They then do some riffing on magicians. You know, because of the David Blaine hate. "Coming up on the 360 Magic Hour," says Erica. Oh, is it sad that I would totally watch that? Wait, don't answer. That's it for me.


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