Tuesday, June 03, 2008

It's Over!!! Well, Sorta

Hi everybody. We have a presumptive democratic nominee! Finally! Unfortunately, the losing candidate has decided to take the "la la la la la la...I can't hear you," approach to moving forward. The Clintons really don't quit, do they? She may have kept the punditry chattering, but this was Barack Obama's night and a history-making one at that. He is the first ever African American nominee of a major party for president. I thought I'd mention that, just in case you missed it the 5,000 times Wolf Blitzer--lovingly referred to by me as the Wolfbot--said it while manning the Election Center. The Wolfbot cracks me up because he so clearly thinks the viewers are retarded. No information is simple enough not to be further explained. "And just... just for our viewers, African Americans are American citizens of African descent, generally recognizable by their more darkly pigmented skin." That's not a real quote, but c'mon, that's dead-on Blitzer.

Before I have more fun with punditry, for record-keeping purposes, let's get the nitty gritty election stuff out of the way first, shall we? Tonight we saw South Dakota and Montana go to the polls, with Clinton taking the Mount Rushmore State and Obama coming on top in the Treasure State. But, eh, nobody cares about that anymore. Sorry, South Dakota and Montana. Sucks to be last. Instead, tonight's buzz was all about Clinton's non-concession concession speech (seriously, what was up with that?) and whether the democrats will be seeing a "dream ticket" in their future. When it comes to Clinton as VP, I for one am not thrilled with the idea. Everyone needs to remember that the power that Cheney has as VP is kind of unprecedented. If Clinton tries to hold onto that kind of power in the position she'll be a hypocrite and if she doesn't, well, I think she'll get bored. Plus there's the Bill factor. But that doesn't mean I want Hillary to just go away. How cool would it be to have a female Secretary of Defense? She's on the Armed Services Committee, so she's got some cred. Obama should think about it.

Okay, on to those wacky pundits! How much do you love Jeffrey Toobin? "The deranged narcissism of the Clintons"? Yikes. Tell us how you really feel, Toobin. I'm not sure I'm going to endorse that statement, but you gotta love a guy that doesn't hold back. He is so getting angry emails about that though. And I don't imagine the McCain camp has him on their Christmas card list either, what with him calling McCain's speech awful. I really didn't pay attention to the speech, but I'm just going to go ahead and believe him because from my viewing experience, McCain is an awful speaker.

What would a political discussion be without David Gergen or The Gerg, if you will? I have to say, I think The Gerg might be the most positive person I "know." He is constantly glass half-full, always looking for the best in everyone. If he was a passenger on the Titanic, as the ship took on water he'd be talking about what an admirable person the captain was. I think we're all going to need our daily Gerg dose to get through this cynical political season. And sometimes he gives us a little surprise. Did anyone else see him totally get all up in Gloria Borger's personal space tonight? One second we're all normal political talk and the next second I thought he was going in for a kiss. Maybe he got confused. After all, with all those pundits blowing hot air, the oxygen level in that room must be pretty low. And trust me, I'm currently an expert on low oxygen levels. I'm just kidding The Gerg on the kiss. He did really do the lean in though.

Seeing the wrong John operating the Magic Wall was a little strange, but he did a good job and since I haven't watched American Morning in over a month, it was nice to see John Roberts. Besides, I'm sure John King is having much more fun wherever he and the missus have holed themselves up. Ahem. (Congrats, kids!) Anyway, I was about to turn off the TV after 360's normally scheduled hour, but right as I picked up the remote, things got rowdy in the Election Center. It was like the boos finally kicked in (you know they wish there really was alcohol). Anderson Cooper tried to get Donna Brazile to spill on her super-secret insider phone call, but apparently the love just wasn't there. "Anderson, you are not my boo," she said. To which he replied, "I wanna be your boo." Bwah! That's totally going on the list of weird exchanges one would never expect to hear in the Election Center. And I can't believe that Anderson doesn't know what "boo" means. By the way, what is up with Donna Brazille lately? Boo-talk with Anderson. Heavy flirting with Stephen Colbert. I think this election has made everyone a little crazy.

As for the blog, Bill Schneider jumped aboard for subbing duties and Ted instructed us to be nice to him. Like we're going to take his head off or something. I found it amusing when The Gerg said he was reading the blog and most posts were wishing Anderson a happy birthday, which Anderson looked so thrilled about. Really though, I think the blog comments lately have been remarkably on topic compared to when they first started the live-blog. Not a tie comment in the bunch. I actually don't get the whole tie thing. I mean, you know, I get the existence of ties and everything, but I don't get the obsession with noting them and having favorites. Ask me any night after 360 and I couldn't tell you what kind of tie Anderson was wearing. Hell, multi-tasker that I am, half the time I couldn't tell you during 360. But it's not just Anderson's ties. Apparently the tie obsession extends to all news men and probably beyond. Weird.

Okay, I guess that about wraps it up. Happy Birthday, Anderson. Sorry you had to spend it in the Election Center, the place where fun goes to die. That was quite an I-am-so-done-with-this-crap exit tonight. But, eh, who can blame you? In honor of Anderson's birthday and our general love of hilarity, I give you Japanese Binocular Soccer:


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