Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Ted Stevens Defeated, Attorney General Tapped, Bailout Coverage, Obama's Reading List, And An Eight-Year-Old Murderer

Hi everybody. We're kicking things off with the BREAKING NEWS tonight that Ted Stevens is going down! Okay, it's not official, and there will be a likely recount, but for all intents and purposes, Mr. Tubes will lose his senate seat to Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich. Woo hoo! If that news is our sundae, Jessica Yellin joins us live to report the cherry on top. See, with Stevens' defeat, the Democrats are now a mere two votes away from that magical filibuster-proof number of 60. Thanks Alaska! And for once I really mean that. I mean, you're still insane and all, but hey, if you manage to keep Sarah Palin from the lower 48, there might be hope for you yet.

The big BREAKING NEWS doesn't stop with corrupt old senators prone to rants. It seems that while everyone was speculating over the idea of Hillary Clinton as secretary of state, Obama went and picked himself an attorney general. The man in question is Eric Holder, and if confirmed he will be the first African American to hold the position. Word on the street is Holder is wildly liked and is known for his high degree of integrity. But Jessica notes he's a Clintonite and wonders, "is this change or more of the same?" Hm, wildly liked? Integrity? It's change, hon. It's definitely change.

For discussion of all this, we next move into a panel consisting of Marcus Mabry, David Gergen, and Jeffrey Toobin. Jeffrey tells us that Holder actually has the same temperament as Obama, but differs politically and The Gerg thinks he will bring a high class of professionalism to the post. It's also noted that Holder is totally against things like torture and Gitmo and . . . oh my God, yes please. That's a long way from quaint and irrelevant, isn't it? Anyway, something else of note, just because it makes you go "WTF?", is that Jeffrey tells us Bill Clinton and Janet Reno hated each other and never spoke. These people are children.

Transitioning now to Ali Velshi at his wall of financial doom, tonight with bonus video clips. See, Paulson's been doing some testifying because, well, we're giving him zillions of dollars and we'd like to know some stuff about where it's going. For example, that whole bailout thing he suddenly switched up? What's up with that? Apparently the facts changed and they had to implement a new strategy. But, uh, what facts changed? Because when I go online, flip on the tube, or crack open a paper, it's the same thing everyday: bad, bad, bad. We also get a clip of Ali interviewing Ford CEO Alan Mulally. Alan thinks it's very important that the government makes sure the big three don't fail. Shocker, I know.

Moving on now Andy Serwer live in the studio because things are so bad, one financial guy is not enough. So okay, there's some technical bailout talk and then Anderson Cooper notes that a great big chuck of our money has already been spent and, well, things still seemingly suck. Andy tells us that things are a little better behind-the-scenes, but ultimately they don't know if all those benjamins really did anything. Excellent. Next time I'll just flush my share down the toilet. Faster and more efficient that way.

On now to a Tom Foreman piece on what we can expect if the big three automakers were to fail. The world would end! Or I might be exaggerating. I certainly wouldn't be the only one. Apparently General Motors is claiming that without government help, 13 million jobs will be at risk. Sounds bad, but then you listen to Chrysler and they're only claiming a third of that. When it comes to these numbers, it seems the source is key and General Motors is using a study with a pretty broad focus. Bottom line is, if the big three tank, we're probably looking at about three million jobs at risk--definitely nothing to sneeze at. Most people seem to be grouping the automakers together, but it looks like GM is a lost cause, while Ford is at least trying to innovate. I say let one fail and bailout the other two with massive preconditions. Not that I know what I'm talking about.

Next up, Drew Griffin joins us live to remind us that even though Ted Stevens will no longer be able to scream, "No!" on the senate floor, he's still getting the last laugh. You see, he's going to be collecting a cushy $122,000 a year in pension money. To start. That whole felony conviction thing? Not a problem, apparently. Oh, sure, Congress knows the dirty masses get outraged about this sort of thing, so they passed themselves a little ethics-related bill . . . that has absolutely no teeth. Now we get to pay money to criminals! Ain't democracy grand?

Transitioning now to a Samantha Hayes piece (who?) about how Obama is totally the new Oprah when it comes to the book reading. Remember how I mentioned in a previous post that Doris Kearns Goodwin was totally the winner in the will or won't Clinton be secretary of state speculation? Well, now her book "Team of Rivals" is number two in Amazon's Biographies and Memoirs. It seems our prez to be is a big FDR fan too and is currently reading two books about the man. Move over Stephen Colbert, I think authors these days are going to be jonesing for the Obama bump.

Our last piece of the night is from our anchor himself, regarding that horrible story of the eight-year-old accused of killing two men, including his father. Tapes of the boy's interrogation have been released and we can see that he was questioned without a lawyer or guardian present, which seems like a pretty big no no. We also see the officers pressuring the boy and telling him they knew he did it. The kid is eight. You can't do that. After Anderson's piece, Jeffrey returns and notes that the interrogation was unconscionable and probably unlawful. Yeah, it's probably not going to hold up. Good job, guys. *Sigh*

The Shot tonight is a CNN iReporter with a 27 inch do. Now that's a mohawk. What's cool is that it's for charity. Good deal. And this of course gives Anderson the excuse to share Erica's old school picture. Because boys are annoying like that. Watch it buddy; revenge is coming.

Okay, so last night I got about a minute of the webcast and tonight I got about 30 seconds. Pretty much all I saw/heard was Erica talking with Anderson across the studio. Of course, I couldn't actually hear what he said because he still doesn't have a microphone. Erica notes this and sends out a plea to Jim Walton and Jon Klein, but I'm kinda not buying that. You have to go through Jim Walton to get one piddly microphone? Me thinks Anderson is perfectly content with his microphone situation. Anyway, that'll do it.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never want to hear about Sarah Palin again. I wonder if they have poor Gary Tuchman is up in Alaska waiting for a new story to "break" on her.

6:11 AM  
Blogger eliza said...

You and me both. I think I saw Gary doing the headlines during Campbell's show. So he's probably back in Atlanta.

4:02 AM  

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