Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2010! Okay, yes, we actually left 2009 a few days ago, but what can I say? I like to be fashionably late. Now that we're in a brand-spanking new decade, I've got a question: Where are the friggin' flying cars?! Seriously, didn't you think we'd have them by now? I mean, God knows what the TSA is about to make us all do with our underwear. Some flying cars would be pretty sweet at this point.


Anyhoo! As per recent tradition, I spent my New Year's Eve with our friends at CNN. And had a blast. Pretty ironic given that a mere five or six years ago I was rolling my eyes at the concept, wondering who in their right mind would actually tune into a news channel to watch a countdown hosted by that gray-haired guy from "The Mole." Cut me some slack, people. I did not yet know of Anderson Cooper's awesomeness. But awesome he is, and the pairing with comedian Kathy Griffin ensured that we saw him in all his embarrassed-giggling glory.

I'm probably one of the few people on the planet that's pretty Switzerland when it comes to Kathy. She seems to be a love her or hate her kinda gal. I think she can be very funny; I also think she can be hella annoying. This year she probably trended more towards the latter. Her material for the entire show was a one-note joke: will she say something bad? Turns out, um, yes.

I'm not going to lie, though I thought last year's little, ahem, incident was over the line, I secretly had my fingers crossed that she'd top it. In my opinion, she did not. Yes, an f-bomb was dropped, but quite frankly it was a little disappointing. In fact, I think I can hear people yawning right now. Aren't we pretty much past pearl-clutching over f-bombs at this point? As for the children watching (THINK of the children!!!) I had to listen to that tape three times to even be sure she said it. Trust me, they didn't notice.


The show felt shorter this year. One reason for that is probably because it was shorter (more on that later), but I found the feeling strange given that there were no musical acts. For ushering in 2009, there was some ridiculousness as well (Coolio interview, anyone?) and I'm sorta wondering if that stuff is needed simply for Kathy and Anderson to have more material to work with. Oh, the Catch-22! Anyway, I think that about wraps up the generalities. So, without further ado, you know them, you love them, the first shiny bullet points of 2010!:

• Okay, I admit that Kathy bringing her official legal document was fairly amusing. The real question: Did she have to write that check back?

• Don Lemon is too cute, but oh my, FYI to him: don't ever ask a woman on national TV if she's wearing underwear--even if you're referring to the "long" kind.

• I think this is the second time in recent memory that Anderson's forehead line has come up in conversation, which makes me feel like there might be Botox consideration going on. If I may weigh in: Don't do it! First of all, I don't think injecting poison into your face is ever a good idea (but hey, that's just me). And second, if he gets rid of the line, I won't be able to as easily call him Grumpy McFrowny-Pants, and let's face it, that's just fun. As for the rather regular squinting, that's how we know the news is serious, people!

• Did Anderson really say he needs to lose weight and is a "little doughy"? What?! Are we having a midlife crisis? When your public nickname is "The Silver Fox," I think you're doing okay.

• Yay for it (appearing) to be a little warmer! Though rain, bleh.
  

• I like how when Kathy asked Anderson to name a political person he'd interviewed, he answered "President Obama," but said it like a question. Like he's not quite sure it happened. Yes, Anderson, it happened. Now allow me to blow your mind: You interviewed him twice!

• I've got nothing against Lance Bass and his post-boy band enthusiasm, but other than causing the Internets to raise an amused eyebrow when they heard of his inclusion, I'm not sure why he was there. I mean, Anderson Cooper, Kathy Griffin, Lance Bass, "Cher", and a drag queen named Sushi who drops in a pump. I'm just sayin'. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
  

• Very nice to see the shout outs to the troops.
  

• That picture of John King in bed with Kathy Griffin was both surprising and hilarious. I don't have a link for you for that one, but later Kathy tweeted this pic with Anderson. Initially, I just thought it was gratuitous adorableness. It wasn't until I re-watched the broadcast in order to do this blog, that I realized it was a take-off on the King pic. Well done.

• I know nothing about Poppy Harlow, but wow, she's bouncy. Yet insisted she wasn't cold. And she did the Cabbage Patch and The Wave. I think Kathy wasn't the only one drinking the Red Bull.

• I would like to concur with Anderson that Cher is, in fact, awesome. I actually remember when they had her on the show years ago. I was doing a little eye-rolling because they seemed to be in a celeb phase at the time and here they were announcing another one. But then Cher came on and started talking about helmets for our troops (great cause!), was totally funny, and completely down to earth. And yes, she really does call into CSPAN all the time. Awesomeness. Oh, and special points for the impersonations by our hosts.

• This year, since the whole world is jumping on the Twitter boat (I actually tweeted during the broadcast), they used the medium to take questions from the public. I sent them a couple earlier that were very clean and might have facilitated some funny, but did they use them? Noooo. Instead we got one about our anchor, um, making himself happy in front of a mirror. Ohhh my. Even Kathy could hardly get that one out (which was actually the funniest part).

• Man, Anderson really takes "playing dumb" to a whole new level. I think he answered "I don't know" or "I don't know what that is" to basically everything Kathy asked him. Your salary, really? Frizzies? C'mon man! At least lie believably. I'll refrain from commenting on mention of a "safe word." Ahem.

• We see Kathy's assistant Tiffany on camera, but don't get any Jack Gray face time? What's up with that? He has over a million Twitter followers. I mean, what's a guy gotta do?

• Anderson in a continuous state of embarrassed giggling is probably my favorite thing about the NYE show, but coming in an extremely close second is Gary Tuchman's midnight run in Central Park. Once again, he was joined by his daughter Samantha--now twelve. And she's more adorable than last year, which doesn't even seem possible. When the duo hit the screen, several of my tweeps immediately commented that it was time for Gary to buy a shotgun. Because the boys? They're coming! Also? Apparently, my tweeps are kinda violent.

• I'm making another bullet point to talk about the cuteness. Because that's how I roll. I loved Samantha's face when Gary informed us that she used her allowance money to fly them to Hawaii for training. And yes, the camera caught him kiss her when their shot was over. All together now: Awwww! I just found it hilarious that for a second there we had a split screen of the cutest father-daughter duo evah, and then Anderson and Kathy, who were constantly on the verge of obscenity all night long. CNN must have been like, see, we have something for everyone!

• Dear Ed Henry, I hate you. Sincerely, me. P.S.: Thank you for all those twitpics. You rock the board shorts. P.P.S.: Okay, I don't really hate you. But your next assignment is in Buffalo.

• Did our anchor go all passive aggressive on Kathy? Kinda interesting that the only tweet he read was the one that basically told her to shut it. I expected him to soften it at the end with a joke, but nope. Kathy looked a little flummoxed. But I wouldn't read too much into that, people.

• I don't know why, but Don Lemon wearing the New Year's glasses and taking video completely cracked me up.

• Another thing that cracked me up was Gary talking to the people from Denmark and bringing up the climate summit. You could almost literally see his thought process regarding what to talk about: "Denmark... Copenhagen...Climate Summit!" Aw, he's juggling a lot of balls up in the air there. Frankly, I'm amazed he can run and talk to us at the same time--not to mention trying to interview.

• What NYE would be complete without a drag queen dropping in a shoe? But this is Sushi's last year? Say it ain't so! I love how go-with-the-flow John Zarella is with everything. Even his family is basically like, "Yay, dad's hanging with drag queens!'

• There are many people on the Teevee who clearly need counseling (coughBeckcough), Gary Tuchman is not one of them. Boo on Kathy for ragging on the nicest guy in news. I was, however, amused by his "I'm insulted!" because he didn't sound insulted at all. I hope he's honing his scary dad face at home. I think we've already established he's going to need it.

• That about wraps up CNN's broadcast. They left me all on my lonesome with 30 minutes still left in 2009. Not cool. It's like every other year the central time zone gets love. So anyway, I was forced to turn to ABC and watch the human Ken doll, otherwise known as Ryan Seacrest. Also,why does that dude have so many jobs? It's a recession, save some for the rest of us, buddy!

• WHAT was J-Lo wearing? Oh, honey...

• Dick Clark makes me sad.

Thus endeth the bullet points. Also airing on NYE was Jack Gray's (okay, Tom Foreman's) 2009 wrap-up special. I've yet to comment, so I shall do it here. I've said this before, but look how far our Jack has come! The first time I saw him was on the webcast (I'm not counting that Utah piece--yes, I remember) and he looked all nervous. Heck, even his original avatar made him look like he was a little confused about something. But now? Our Jack has come into his own.

I like to imagine that some day in the not-so-distant future, Jack will be doing book signings of his debut collection of David Sedaris-like short stories. Unlike a certain silver-topped writer, he'll come to St. Louis. I'll go to a signing, introduce myself by my Twitter name, and he'll become slightly frightened. Ah, yes, a time will be had. All kidding aside, Jack's a good guy. Long before the million followers, he earned my respect not by being funny, but by handling criticism better than many of his much more experienced colleagues in the industry. Okay, there was a little funny sprinkled in too. In fact, the combination won him the spot of my very first favorited tweet (which you can view on my page by clicking "favorites"--scroll down).

A special thank you shout out to stormi0611 for the screencaps. Santa brought Eliza a new TV for Christmas to replace the old one that fried (just like my computer and stereo--it's been a tough year in Casa de AC360 Review on the electrical front), but I am shame-faced to say that I have yet to figure out how to hook up my DVD recorder.


I want to wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year. To the 360 kids, I'm still rooting for you. Let's make 2010 one for the books.

Live From Afghanistan Day Two And Domestic Politics

Hi everyone. Anderson Cooper is once again coming at us from Patrol Base Jaker and he updates us on what is turning out to be a craptastic day in Afghanistan. Four Marines were killed on patrol and there was a suicide attack at the airport in Kabul. Also, NATO is admitting that civilians were killed in Friday's bombing and America's General Stanley McChrystal is launching an investigation.

Oh, and no more booze at the command post in Kabul. Why? Well, apparently (though not independently confirmed by CNN) McChrystal's underlings couldn't even answer his questions following the bombing because they were too drunk and/or hungover. Um, what? Anderson then starts intro-ing all the contributors he'll be talking with, but I pretty much miss all the names after he notes that Michael Ware had a close call with a roadside bomb. Um, WHAT?!

We move on to a conversation with Peter Bergen and Candy Crowley. Anderson and Peter talk about the amazing PR disaster of forces being wasted after killing people with airstrikes. "This is a war zone. You shouldn't be drinking," says Peter. You think?

Candy then hits us with the political angle: Afghanistan, I'm afraid the American people just aren't that into you. Thing is though, as Anderson points out, the strategy at this point is looking suspiciously like nation building and well, you need a significant amount of troops for that. In other words, political clusterfuck ahead. It'll match the real one already going on in the country.

So, our president is in a bit of a pickle, especially seeing as though most of the opposition to the war is coming from his own side. Good American that I am, I'd like to help our commander in chief out with a little useful advice: don't lie. Don't manipulate intelligence to support your agenda. Don't hire a PR firm to sell your war--and it is your war now--by manipulating language and plastering the word "victory" everywhere because their focus groups told them people like that. Don't hide behind the troops. Do. Not. Lie. Because we'll know.

Next up, we have a piece from Michael Ware, who if he was a cat, would probably be on his frickin eighth life by now. Michael travels to Kandahar and hooks up with his police chief friend, Mullah Gul Akund, who he hasn't seen in six years. And aw, he's so excited. Given that the guy has been a target of the Taliban for eight years, it's amazing he's even still alive. Michael then goes on patrol with him. In the dead of night. Oh Michael, why you gotta cause a blogger so much stress?

So they're driving and we hear that they're about to enter "the most dangerous place." Oh excellent. And then...kaboom! IED. Michael and the other occupants of the car are okay. According to our crazy Aussie, it detonated a "heartbeat" too soon. Thank God for heartbeats. And thank God for fearless journalists, even if this one is currently giving me an ulcer.

Following Michael's piece, he joins us live and talks a bit about the political limbo Afghanistan finds themselves in due to the apparent election corruption. He tells us the election is a blow to the US, the whole war plan is up in the air, and we don't have enough troops. I think what I love most about Michael is his optimism. Kidding. We need all the realism we can get.

Coming back from commercial, we see a picture of, well, sand. But we hear Anderson talking and then the camera very slowly pans over to him. I know I'm not the only one who began unconsciously motioning with my arm to move the camera. You know, since we can all control shot angles from our living rooms. Just me? Anyway, I guess that was an oops because, um, not really the right time to be getting all artistic with the camera work. Wow, what an irrelevant paragraph I have just typed.

Transitioning now to some domestic politics. Our prez is giving his big address to the joint session of Congress on Wednesday and today he met with Democratic leaders to synchronize their watches. Or something. Ed Henry joins us with the low down. When it comes to the public option, Speaker Pelosi will fight all the way for it, Hoyer (number two guy) doesn't think it's needed, and Obama isn't willing to make it a deal-breaker. Glad to see everyone is on the same page.

Then there's Max Baucus and his bill, which seems to be big on fining everyone, including individuals who don't buy insurance. And the bill has no public option. So basically, there's nothing to keep the insurance companies honest (a co-opt? please.) and then it makes everyone buy insurance from them. Sounds great...if you own an insurance company.

Subject change-up now and Candy is back to talk about Obama's speech to the school children, AKA Commie Chat 2009. They then play us a clip of the indoctrination without a disclaimer. Hide the children! Obama tells the kiddies to work hard and spend time studying. Oh the humanity! So okay, as Anderson and Candy note, pretty basic speech. Maybe even a little--gasp--conservative. I'm really glad we all had that big freakout.

Transitioning back to Afghanistan, Anderson givens us some info regarding life for the Marines in Helmand province, much of which can be found in his blog post from today. (Yes, he actually blogged. I was surprised too.) This intros us into an Anderson piece about sweeping for IEDS. And here I was just getting rid of the ulcer Michael gave me.

Anyway, we meet Lance Corporal Phil Howard who is the point man on patrol, which is basically the most dangerous job, like, ever. If someone's getting blown up, odds are it's going to be him. I remember when IEDS were rare in Afghanistan. Now they're the number one threat. Marines on patrol walk spaced out 10 to 15 meters apart to minimize casualties. And yes, our anchor is walking that way too. IEDS can be anywhere, especially in the brush. We see Anderson take a rather big leap down as he follows the patrol. I'm sure that was fun for the cameraman.

Anderson talks to other Marines as well and they tell him of their efforts to gain the locals' trust. A lot of tea-drinking going on. See, the problem is that the United States has a bit of a history when it comes to Afghanistan and skedaddling. Some of the Marines risking their lives today are now paying for situations that occurred before they were even born. The Afghan people aren't really too keen in choosing sides when they're not sure if one side is going to stick around.

Moving on to a Sanjay Gupta piece, once again from Camp Dwyer. We meet Major Augustus Brown, the only vascular surgeon in the whole country. Um, wow. No pressure there or anything. Major Brown has sacrificed a lot for the people of Afghanistan, including witnessing the birth of one of his children. His six-year-old takes his deployments the hardest, but gave him a little stuffed dog as a good luck charm. Aw.

Camp Dwyer keeps Major Brown busy. They used to see 80 patients per month, but in August they were up to about 230, a number sure to grow. In fact, they're stretched so thin that our own Dr. Gupta was asked to assist. In a way it must suck to be his colleague. It's like, oh, so you're just a brain surgeon. Not ambitious enough for two careers, huh?

Anyway, following his piece, Sanjay tells us that Dr. Brown is a reservist and therefore only required to stay in country for 90 days. But he volunteered for a year. What an amazing guy. I feel for his family though. Sanjay also gives us an update on that two-year-old with a brain injury we met yesterday. So far, so good. Let's hope it keeps on that path.

Finally, the "shot" tonight is a dank, dark, crowded room occupied by men. Sounds kinda seedy doesn't it? But really we're just getting a tour of the living quarters of our anchor and crew. In case my prior description didn't already imply it, Anderson lets us know that it's "kinda smelly" as well. I never would have guessed. This ain't the Hilton that's for sure. There aren't even any chairs. They sit on boxes and containers. This is where they work, eat, sleep, and bathe. Bathe? Where? Never mind. I don't even want to know.

We see producer Charlie Moore and cameraman Neil Hallsworth working at the computer. Oh Charlie Moore, I'm still waiting for you to get on Twitter. Just a little FYI for you to ponder. Anyway! Ms. Erica Hill has been doing the headlines throughout the broadcast and she and Anderson talk about the dust and sand in the country that apparently coats everything. He tells us they try very hard to keep it out of the computers and camera equipment, "but everything else you just kind of give it over to the dust." How very Zen.

I should probably point out that our peeps here were in no way complaining about their quarters because they know the Marines have it much rougher. Just thought I'd note that, lest they look like douches. Anyway, wow, great broadcast. This is CNN done right. More please.