Thursday, August 21, 2008

Obama Teases Press, McCain Has More Money Than You, Chinese Cheaters, And Tropical Storm Fay Is One Stubborn Chick

Hi everyone. John King returns to play the Anderson Cooper role tonight and we are beginning with big BIG news! Obama has, oh my God, picked a running mate! Granted, he's not telling us who it is, but this announcement requires graphics! Because now we are able to speculate on a whole other level. I swear, people, it's like watching a comedy show sometimes. And I wasn't kidding about those graphics. We've got "clues" going up on the screen right now.

This then leads us into a purely speculative piece from Candy Crowely as to just who Obama might have chosen. Focus is put on Hillary Clinton, not so much because they have an inkling that it might be her, but because the press just really likes talking about Hillary Clinton. There's also mention of the other short-listers with poor Joe Biden continuing to be hounded by the mediarazzi. After her piece, Candy joins us live and pronounces my states as "Missourah," which means I now must strangle her. With concern and love, of course.

Next up, we've got speculative discussion with Hilary Rosen and Kiki McLean. And they are excited! There's office pool talk. Presents under the tree talk. This is going to be the bestest text message evah! And I am underwhelmed. You know, I think all the political speculation of late has sucked away all my news junkie joy. Damn you, pontificating media! I hope that text message comes at 3 AM! Okay, I'm better now. I'll be pumped in time for the conventions, don't worry. And in the meantime? There's a suggestion that the media should be sent to do public service while they wait for real news to happen. That is the best suggestion I've heard all season. There's way more speculation, but do yourself a favor and read this instead. Seriously. It's hilarious.

On now to an Ed Henry piece on how McCain is filthy rich, possibly senile, and has trouble counting. Long story short, the straight shooter gives an interview to Politico in which he's asked the very difficult question of how many houses he owns. McCain then goes all Alberto Gonzales on us and suddenly can't remember. It's okay though, people, his staff will get back to you. I hate it when I can't remember all my houses. No, wait, I'm confusing myself with Donald Trump again. Man, this really gives him that "man of the people" vibe, doesn't it? Really though, both candidates are rich. The way the system is set up, you have to be. Or you have to know rich people. Sad but true. Ed then brings up McCain's recent comment that you're rich if you make $5 million, which his camp claims was just a joke. You know, this is the point where it might have been helpful to viewers to actually play McCain saying that in context. I mean, I know they have the clip--their network aired the forum.

It's panel time! Tonight's contestants are Joe Klein, Tara Wall, and John Podesta. Look who's defending against the elitism charge now. Yep, it's McCain. Pretty soon they'll have him eating arugula. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, Tara pulls the POW card, blah, blah. Then we have a John King piece on how it's Obama's election to lose. T. S. Eliot might have deemed April the cruelest month (look at Eliza pulling out the literary references!), but for the Democrats, it seems August is their Achilles' heel. We then get a history lesson of all the previous blowups. This piece makes me sad. But like a really sobering sundae, it's topped with some irrelevant cherries in the form of discussion. Yeah, my metaphors are going over the edge, but I am bored, people.

Transitioning now to a John Vause piece on the controversy over the age of the Chinese gymnasts. It seems the bloggers have gotten on the case and you know when that happens, it's over man. They'll find everything. And they've already found a lot, specifically cached documents online showing one of the gymnast's date of birth as 1994. For those rusty on the math, that makes her only 14, two years shy of qualifying to compete. What makes this interesting is that this gymnast took the gold on the uneven bars due to the way the computer system is set up. She and Nastia Liukin had identical scores, but the American was given the silver in what I thought was a totally messed up way of doing things. I wonder what happens now. It's unfair that they broke the rules, but it also seems unfair to strip the girls of their medals when they were the best.

Moving on now to Gary Tuchman still STILL chasing Tropical Storm Fay. Tonight he's coming at us from Neptune Beach, where a woman got caught in the undertow while swimming and later died. Another woman drowned in a different location while surfing. That's horrible, but what were these people doing out in the storm? Poor Florida is really having a time of it. Gary tells us they're experiencing "epic" flooding the likes of what we saw in the Midwest. Oh, and he says my state's name right. Thanks, Gary. (I'm looking at you, Candy Crowley.) Funny thing is (or actually not so funny), Florida would probably be getting a lot more media attention right now if it wasn't for the anticipated VP announcement and upcoming conventions. I guess people need to learn to plan their disasters during non election years.

Erica Hill has our headlines and they include Casey Anthony making bail. Thank you 360 for not having someone stake her out. The Shot tonight is a guy on a motorcycle speeding and crashing into an SUV. The SUV, which contained children, then bursts into flames. Thankfully they're okay. Motorcycle idiot says he was acting out a video game. Needless to say, he's going to jail. Man, that was no monkey in a subway! Keep it light, dudes. The show was just meh. I suppose it'll be like this until something actually happens. I've noticed the webcast is getting better with the delays, so there's that.


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