Virginia Governor Declares April Confederate History Month, The Republican Party's Identity Problem, And A Breaking News False Alarm

Hi everyone. So okay, kind of a weird broadcast tonight. We had some potentially scary breaking news that turned into a reminder of what one should not do while traveling on a plane. I'll briefly address it at the end, but I think I'm just going to leave the updates out of the recap. They are now what you would call moot. Also, before I get going, I gotta highlight the phrase "Bachmann-Palin overdrive," which Anderson Cooper used in the tease up top. Clever. You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet!

Anyway! Did you hear? Virginia governor Bob McDonnell has made April Confederate History Month! Um, yay? You know, sometimes I think these politicians must sit in a room just thinking of things to piss people off. McDonnell has succeeded quite well with that on this one. Because apparently a whole month is just not enough time to mention that little slavery situation we had going on in this country. That's right, the good people of Virginia have been instructed to reflect on the sacrifices of everyone except the group who one might argue sacrificed the most.

This news has Anderson on his feet and at the, where else, Magic Wall. Hey, can we just all agree that this technology stuff is getting rather stupid? I mean, I'm watching our anchor trying to like, center, this document on the screen, and I'm thinking, you know, words just used to pop up for us with no problem. No fuss, no muss. Can't we go back to that? Because apparently Anderson isn't even comfortable messing with this crap live. (One can't exactly blame him for being technology shy given the embarrassing virtual pizza pie chart debacle of 2008.)

We're next joined by Roland Martin and Brag Bowling, the commander of the Virginia division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, for a batshit insane spirited debate of the governor's declaration. Oh boy. Gee, I wonder how this is going to turn out. Yeah, we've got all kinds of train wreckiness going on here. Brag tries to dismiss the slavery aspect of this controversy, saying it was just an omission that he would have no problem including. According to Anderson, it's also an omission on the homepage of his website, where it says the Civil War was about "preserving liberty and freedom." Okay then.

For his part, Roland manages to equate Confederate soldiers to Nazis in record time. Seriously, did I miss the memo that says every cable news debate must have a Nazi/Hitler reference? Then Brag starts saying that we're seeing some of the same issues today that we saw back then, but he backs off when Anderson asks if he's comparing the Republicans of today to Confederate soldiers. Brag also tries to say that by not having this month we're whitewashing history and then we're automatically Russia. Of course.

Also? When Brag brings this point up, Anderson's all, "Well, let me just give you my answer." What? But you never give your answer. You are opinion-less sleeves man! Anyway, our anchor goes on to tell us that he has both Union and Confederate ancestors and he visits the graves of the latter in Mississippi, but that doesn't mean you whitewash the cause of the war. Okay, that wasn't so much an opinion as it was a semi-genealogy lesson. Still unexpected. That Silver Fox is just full of surprises. And since I'm talking about him anyway, I love that he's wearing his "this guest is so bullshit" look on his face throughout a good portion of this segment.

This basically wraps up with Brag lamenting all the horrible things the Union soldiers did to those poor southerners, all the while Roland has a coronary. "Do you even hear how you sound?" asks Roland. "I think I sound perfectly rational," says Brag. And that, boys and girls, pretty much says it all. Oy. I don't really know what to say about this discussion. In theory, I like that they let it have room to breathe (it lasted almost a third of the show). The thing is though, there was no where for this to go. An exercise predictably doomed for failure.

C'mon, did anyone really think anything enlightening would come out of a discussion with these two, much less a consensus? It's pointless. It's theater. How is this the news alternative to the bickering on the other two cable news nets? If they were going to do this story, they probably should have just had Anderson interview Brag alone. Instead, we got something that smelled suspiciously like a ratings ploy.

I'm going to skip ahead now to the talk with Ed Rollins and David Frum about whether or not Michael Steele needs to step down. This is mean, but when Frum appeared on screen I burst out laughing. Man, apparently ostracizing yourself from your party really wears on a dude. Usually these beltway guys freakishly look like they're stored in a box or something. But Frum's sporting a more life-like, slightly disheveled look. Plus sad face. A friend of mine speculated that perhaps grooming was part of his benefits back at the American Enterprise Institute. Oh snap. It's a hard knock life. And yeah, that's all I'm saying about this segment. I am a terrible person.

So okay, about that breaking news. First everyone was like, ZOMG, shoe bomber the sequel! Then, well, not so much. Hey there air travelers, if you're going to smoke on a plane, first of all, DON'T. But if you do, when asked what you were doing, maybe don't joke that you were lighting your shoes on fire. Just a suggestion. Also? If this had been real, the terrorists are like the stupidest people ever. They try it in the shoes and that doesn't work, so they try it in underwear and that doesn't work, so then they go back to trying in in shoes? C'mon.

The show was just meh. There seemed to have been very little news in the news. I didn't even mention the conversation about Nike's newest ad featuring Tiger Woods. The 360 kids can't be faulted for breaking news that turned out to be not much of anything, but as for everything else, it broke down to about five minutes news and the rest chatter. Not their best night for quality. That'll do it.