Saturday, March 01, 2008

Drudge Endangers Prince Harry Fighting In Afghanistan And More 2008 Race Politics (Thursday's Show)

Hi everyone. Tonight begins with me turning on my television to find one of the most mind boggling sights ever. Oh my God, Janet Jackson is teaching Larry King dance moves. A person needs some sort of warning before any kind of Larry King dancing. My brain doesn't even know what to do with this! He's gonna break a hip.

Okay, have you managed to shake the suspendered-one out of your head yet? Because 360's got big BREAKING NEWS regarding Prince Harry and Afghanistan, the news being that he's there fighting. Well, at least he was. Anderson Cooper tells us that for a few months now, news organizations (including CNN) have known the prince was serving in the forgotten war, but they kept it on the down low at the request of British authorities in order to try to keep him and those serving with him safe. But today, in an act of douchbaggery that's off the charts even for him, smear merchant Matt Drudge broke the story to the world on his website, thus resulting in the prince getting yanked out of the country lickety-split. You stay classy, Drudge!

We're then joined by Nic Robertson, who's live in London with more. This is no George Bush my-daddy-got-me-in-the-Guard kind of deal. Prince Harry was fighting on the front lines, right in the thick of it all, working as a forward air controller. As for how this is all going down in London, we learn from Nic that Harry is being seen as a hero and Matt Drudge is, well, not. Man, you really gotta feel bad for Harry here. This sucks for him on several different levels. Even all the papers calling him a hero must be pretty uncomfortable for him, especially since some seem to be getting embellishy with their headlines. ("Front Line Prince Kills 30 Taliban." That's PR that would make the Bush Administration proud.)

We then get a piece from Nic on the prince. See, part of the deal with the media organizations staying mum about what Harry was up to, was that they would get to film him and then be free to show it later when he was out of country. But now that the cat is out of the bag, wa lah! Here we go. We learn about the prince's job and that he's loving just being one of the guys. His nickname? Bullet magnet. Because the Taliban would just love to take out or nab themselves a prince, which goes back to why this was all a secret to begin with. Harry tried to keep his face partially covered so as not to get recognized, but that's all for naught now.

Following his piece, Nic joins us live, along with Michael Ware, to discuss what's going on in Afghanistan now. Okay, timeout. I need to pause this review for a second to state what utter BS this is. Prince Harry deserves nothing but praise for his service, but the fact that it took a royal to put Afghanistan at the top of the broadcast (hell, on the broadcast at all) is utterly pathetic. Seriously, where's the shame? But it was quite a deal, wasn't it? CNN (and other organizations) got their fancy-pants footage and the Brits are getting headlines they couldn't buy. In fact, it seems the only loser here is a kid who, after being through enough stuff in his young life that would have many up on a clock-tower, only wanted to serve as one of the guys. And what about all those guys, huh? Will the cameras stay with them or follow the royal? You already know the answer to that.

Anyway, from Michael we learn that Afghanistan is still a pretty hardcore place, but Nic sprinkles in a little optimism regarding thriving markets. And Anderson makes sure to remind us that it's really only the Americans, British, and Canadians that are fighting in the country. I'm not saying he's calling the other NATO countries sissies, but this seems to be one of his favorite facts. Infer what you will. Michael then talks a bit about how safe it would be for Harry to stay there now that word is out. Answer: not very. He also tells us that the people that spilled the secret are a bunch of "galahs" and "drongos", thus leaving Anderson (and, well, the rest of us) amusingly confuzzled. Anderson's just going to go ahead and take that as an insult against Matt Drudge. And quite frankly Drudge deserves some insulting anyway, so sounds like a plan.

From here we go to another Nic piece that's comprised of more Harry footage and then afterwards Nic tells us about the skyrocketing IED problem in Afghanistan. Anderson takes the opportunity to remind us the hard battle those fighting in Afghanistan are facing. It's a nice thing to say, but again, it'd be even nicer if it didn't feel like crumbs that fell off the big royal story.

Transitioning now to tonight's "What Where They Thinking?" which is more like a "WTF?" Apparently there's some reality show called "Moment of Truth" (which I've never even heard of) where I guess people reveal all to a lie detector back stage and then they get money if they tell the truth onstage. Or something. Seriously, who in their right mind would do something like that? So anyway, this woman goes on and pretty much spreads her dirty laundry all over the airwaves. She admits to cheating on her husband and that she wishes she were married to her ex boyfriend, who, by the way, is conveniently there to ask the question. Oh, and the husband's there too. Hell, her parents are even there. All this scenario needs is Jerry Springer and a redneck throwing a chair and we're golden. Good lord.

After that train wreck, we go to Anderson in front of a map, talking delegates. It's politics time! I'm just going to give this a surfacey treatment because I think I'm getting a case of politics fatigue and I don't want to completely burn out before Tuesday. So anyway, coverage begins with a piece from Candy Crowley that gives us what's the what on the ground. Then from there we go to a Joe Johns piece on possible Veeps. Dude, we don't even have the candidates yet. One thing at a time, people. For discussion, we're then joined by David Gergen, Leslie Sanchez, and Roland Martin.

Of note is that the current president if completely out of touch--he didn't even know they're predicting $4/gallon gas. No, wait, that's not of note; that's business as usual around these parts. Anderson has noticed how quickly Obama seems to respond to attacks and such. I have also noticed and it's kind of freaking me out. I mean, the guy is unflappable. He pops back at smears without so much as blinking and eye, kind of seems too good too be true. So I'm pretty much sitting here holding my breath and waiting for everything to fall down. Is that paranoid of me? Maybe. But hey, that's what seven (going on eight) years of Bush will do to you (and don't forget that extra special bonus of spineless democrats!). But maybe Obama really is some kind of Teflon-clad superhero. If he beats Clinton, let's hope no one finds his kryptonite until after November.

Back from commercial now, we've got the latest contestant for the "Voice of 360." Drum roll, please--It's Gene Simmons! Anderson reveals that when he was a kid he wanted to be in the KISS Army. I...can not see that. But anyway, Gene then gives the show a rockin' good introduction, complete with his signature gnarly tongue. There's no doubt a joke here, but I'm going to leave that to your dirty, dirty minds. Anderson notes that none of the other contestants did that. "All I can say is Brian Williams, Michael Douglas, eat your heart out," he says. Oh, snap! Bri-Wi, are you just going to take that? C'mon boys, I'm bored Give me an aesthetically pleasing news feud.

The Shot tonight is, well, Michael Ware. Specifically Michael Ware being all crazy Aussie and saying things we don't understand. You remember how Michael confused us all by using the terms "galahs" and "drongos"? (If you don't remember this you've obviously just suffered a head injury and should probably see a doctor.) Well, CNN is not a news organization that lets their viewers go to bed scratching their heads. No sir! As soon as that segment ended, an international news gathering effort began, with viewers all over the world collectively hunting down the definitions of those terms. Oh, and, uh, someone at 360 called the producer standing next to Michael to ask Michael what it meant. Global efforts are great, but you gotta love a direct line. So what do the words mean? Well, bird, basically. But they're also slang for idiot. Have fun using them on your friends! That'll do it. B


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