Cheney's "Delusional," Afghanistan Falling Apart, Border Issues, Skydiver Murder, And Living Long (Thursday's First Hour)

Hi everyone. Anderson begins tonight with his fingers in his ears. Perhaps I should explain. I didn't watch, but Larry King had people from American Idol on and apparently they were, um, not good. "Is it over?" Anderson asks. No Anderson. Unfortunately the season has just started. You know, one doesn't even need to watch the show to know all about what's going on. All you need to do is turn on the news or listen to the radio or just freaking listen to your co-workers as you're walking through the office. Has everyone gone crazy? It's just a show people.

We all remember yesterday when Cheney shockingly (or actually maybe not shockingly) claimed that we were having enormous success in Iraq. Well, sanity has come calling today in the form of Dick Durbin calling Cheney "delusional." Gasp! Of course this has everyone all a twitter, though really it could have been worse. I mean, he could have told Cheney to go f*** himself. Durbin then joins us and Anderson wants to know if he really believes Cheney is delusional. Durbin is all, "Duh! Delusional means out of touch with reality," and he then goes on to lay out the sad truth about the VP. Anderson wants to know if Durbin thinks Cheney really believes what he says. Does it even matter anymore? He's evil or crazy. Not exactly a great choice. Durbin states that if they don't debate Iraq then Congress will become irrelevant. Um, too late.

Next up David Gergen joins us from Davos. Hey, Gerg! How's Switzerland? The Gerg notes that Cheney is now a weakened figure, but he's sad that Durbin made that comment. He thinks Cheney really does believe what he says. The Gerg is kind of bumming me out here because he's all sad about the whole situation. Aw, where's my optimistic Gerg? I told you not to get your hopes up about everything. Buck up, Gerg. Tomorrow's another day and more importantly, another news cycle.

Moving on now to a Jamie McInytre piece about the resurgent Taliban and Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. Oh yeah, THAT war. Apparently the Al Qaeda training camps in Pakistan are full. Well that's excellent and not at all something to be alarmed about. Of course it's obvious why this is happening. Since Musharraf made that deal with tribal leaders last year attacks in the south of Afghanistan have gone up 200%. The US is stepping up to combat the problem and has proposed an increase in funding for the country that will focus on things like road building. Also NATO will finally send more troops and it should be noted they were requested last summer. Way to get on that guys.

To discuss all this Peter Bergen joins us live and notes that the deal Musharraf made was good for domestic politics, but not the wider war on terror. And now the Taliban is starting to act like Al Qaeda. Anderson points out that the US army is stretched thin and that soldiers that just came home from Afghanistan are being made to turn right around and go back. That can't be good for morale. There is some good news though. Peter states that the people of Afghanistan still seem to like us and that's very important. Yay for not totally hating us!

Moving on now to a Gary Tuchman piece on immigration, specifically the border of Arizona and Mexico. A lot of immigrants have actually taken to going underground and we find that if you go into the sewers from a strip joint in Mexico, you'll actually come out at a taco restaurant in Arizona. This has caused border control to scour the sewers and Gary decides to tag along. They find some people and there are some tense moments, but in the end they just leave. Gary then exits the sewers from a manhole and ends up in the middle of the street. And hey look, there's a camera just waiting for him! Oh Gary. Don't go pulling a Rick Sanchez on me. Back in the studio Anderson asks, "You took a bath, didn't you?" Ha! Maybe he's a shower man, Anderson. You don't know.

Transitioning now to an Anderson piece on skydiving and...MURDER! Too much? Okay, apparently what happened is two women skydivers were dating the same male skydiver and one of the women got jealous. So she then did what anyone in that situation would do-she sabotaged her friend's chute and backup chute. Oh, did I say anyone? I meant crazy people. The poor woman' s video camera caught her plummet to the ground, but they haven't released the tape and Anderson says that even if CNN had it they wouldn't show it to us. Fine dude. See if I ever send anything to your little I-report. I am of course totally kidding. For the love of God nobody ever show that tape. Please. The woman hit the ground at approximately 130 mph and they know if wasn't a suicide because the tape shows her panicking. That fall down must have been the worst minutes of her life and unfortunately they were also her last.

The Shot strangely comes early tonight and it's pandamania! Anderson acts like they're cute, but we know he really doesn't like them. So anyway, there's a bunch of pandas and people are supposed to vote on their names. We're also shown another clip from youtube of a girl with pandas in her room, but the crack 360 staff doesn't know really what the heck it is that they're showing us. Aw, it's okay. You know why? Because it's pandas!

Transitioning now to an interview with Dan Buettner, founder of bluezones.com. He's here to tell us the secrets of living longer. Basically it all comes down to lifestyle: low stress and a healthy diet. An interesting tidbit is that people who eat nuts live two to four years longer than people who don't. Anderson is shocked and quite frankly I'm a bit skeptical. It's also a major plus to have a strong family and social support system. Dan explains that people who live long are not locked up in the air conditioning watching tv. "Uh oh," says Anderson. "Uh oh," says me. Apparently he's describing both of us, though actually I'm more of a locked up on the computer kind of person. Somehow I don't think that makes it better.

After a commercial break we're back with Dan and he tells us that the month in which a woman is born can predict whether or not she will live long. Oh c'mon. That's got to be BS. He also states that the best amount of sleep to get a night is seven hours. Now that I believe. I always feel best when I manage to sleep that long. When I sleep more than that I drag and less than that I'm tired all day. Of course it's virtually impossible for me to plan the amount of sleep I get so I guess it's neither here nor there. We're informed that there is a test on Dan's site to determine your longevity. Anderson is a little worried to take it. I'm flat out scared to take it. With my luck it will tell me I should have been dead last week. Besides, it could tell me I'm going to live to be a 100 years old and I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Life happens. Just go with it. That'll do it for the hour. Good show tonight. B+

So, is Cheney delusional? Did you take the longevity test?

Screencap by bcfraggle.